If anyone asks, I was with you the whole time...

That sinking feeling that if you’re really going to give it a go as a professional writer you may have to learn to live with doing most of your writing after being awake for 18 hours. 1AM - 4AM is apparently and consistently my most productive hours.

Sunday Six

Working Title: Arrangement (This is the green card marriage fic) - Just popped 10k, but my writing groove is back so YAY! This one easily has another 10k in it.

“Do you want things like that?” Clint asks, his hand is still waiting, he doesn’t seem concerned about it.

“Yes,” the word is ripped from Phil’s throat. He likes all of it and more. He thinks about late night movies and shared popcorn and maybe pressing together under a blanket and staring up at the stars and a thousand other things, but everyone always expects more, usually when Phil is least expecting it.

His hand is moving before he realizes it, Phil stops it before it can get further than his own silverware. “So,” he says carefully, “you really want to marry me?”

Clint’s face pinks up a bit and he takes a deliberate bite of his lamb lollipop using his free hand. “Honestly? The marriage thing is freaking me out too.” His lips are shiny with grease and then Clint licks them clean and still the way the low light reflects off them intrigues Phil. “I did it once, with less lead time too, and it basically ended in fire and brimstone, so yeah, I have reservations. But you don’t deserved to get jerked around like that and I’d…” his eyes flick away briefly, “I’d miss you, a lot. And that’s enough for me to try and keep you around.”

iOS 8

Early times but so far there are a bunch of little changes that I actually like. There’s about 800% more control over sending data from one app to another (like Evernote and pocket) they keyboard has active suggestions now instead of in a bubble over the typing.

But I know what you all want to know.

The new tumblr app upgrade for iOS LOADS IMAGES FAST. LIKE. SO FAST.

More later.

Close various apps on laptop so she can go to sleep, trip and accidentally add 400 words to fic.

     -An Insomniac’s Confused Confession


iOS8 takes up somewhere between 4 and 5 gigs of memory and I’m 99% sure that’s not taken into account when labeling their devices. Buying the previous generation is cheaper, but it’s probably not a good idea to go for the 8 gig models anymore. B/C you can’t choose which iOS to update to and eventually iTunes will start bugging you about it. Also I’d bet the App Store will eventually start bugging you too.

 …my dad is attempting to pin me down for a heart to heart “how are you doing with your issues is there anything I can do to help?” talk and I am like “UH! SORRY! I CANNOT HEEAR YOU!” 

b/c it’s apparently only okay to talk about medical stuff if HE brings it up, but he constantly gets annoyed if we talk about it at the dinner table b/c apparently we aaalways talk about it and it’s totally not cool to talk constantly about your issues, WHICH, fair enough, in certain situations. Like if you’re near strangers, or vaguely friendly friends.

However I hate to break it to him, but I have a chronic, incurable disease, my DAILY LIFE includes comments on it, and if you can’t deal with that and decide to zone out b/c you want to personally protest this decline in western civilization, you cannot then turn around and tell me you don’t know what’s going on in my life.

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Todays’ rock and hardplace conundrum:


But still really fucking tired.

But might not nap till I eat.

But food is 2 floors and actual cooking away.

But sore. And tired. Both fixable with sleep. (And drugs, but that’s a given.)

Life hard.

Ability to verb slipping.

Fic also suddenly incredibly inspirational. Awkward first date just begging to be written.

But ability to can needs sleep.







Seriously, whenever I use a flip phone the first thing I always think of is Star Trek :D


Dont forget about automatic doors

People are currently trying to make tricorders  as well. So far it can monitor heart functions.

oh an hyposprays are in the works, too

Depending on your definition of hypospray, they&#8217;re already here. My migraine medication comes in a needle-less inject-able container. That&#8217;s right ladies, gents and everyone in between and together, it uses air pressure. And it&#8217;s SO COOL. (And yes it still hurts, Jim Kirk&#8217;s hypospray face is totally justified.) Currently it&#8217;s single use, so the star trek version which is auto-santizing, multi use for multiple drugs in a row isn&#8217;t quite here yet, but we&#8217;re a lot closer than some people think. And that&#8217;s just really fucking awesome!







Seriously, whenever I use a flip phone the first thing I always think of is Star Trek :D








Dont forget about automatic doors

People are currently trying to make tricorders  as well. So far it can monitor heart functions.

oh an hyposprays are in the works, too

Depending on your definition of hypospray, they’re already here. My migraine medication comes in a needle-less inject-able container. That’s right ladies, gents and everyone in between and together, it uses air pressure. And it’s SO COOL. (And yes it still hurts, Jim Kirk’s hypospray face is totally justified.) Currently it’s single use, so the star trek version which is auto-santizing, multi use for multiple drugs in a row isn’t quite here yet, but we’re a lot closer than some people think. And that’s just really fucking awesome!





Utterly fantastic talk about weight and weight loss from Dr. David Macklin


- exercise for a host of reasons but not to lose weight
- BMI is stupid and we shouldn’t use it
- use EOSS instead (edmonton obesity something scale)
- figure out when during your day you are most at risk of overeating
- tackle the thoughts that lead to the emotions that lead to the behaviours that lead to weight gain

*hijacks post!* Beware the diet talk ahead!

These are all great suggestions, but I’d always add that you should see your GP before deciding on any major health changes in your life. Because on some level this list still supports calories in/Calories out dichotomy which is dangerous. (Yes there are emotional eaters, but to boil every ‘overweight’ person into this category is dangerous) Because that’s about 15%(20%?) of the people, but b/c it DOES work for a vocal minority, they try to shame the quiet majority. The truth is metabolic disorders, vitamin deficiencies and all sorts of other things play a large factor in how our bodies store and retrieve nutrients and calories.

Beyond that, weight loss is actually kind of dangerous. In essence, it’s starvation. Now, how much it’s starvation depends on your diet. But it’s still a very careful balancing act between weight-loss and your body reacting and going into protective mode. There’s a reason incredibly restrictive diets only work as long as you’re on them. A single donut SHOULD NOT undo ALL WORK. When your body reacts like that, there are other things going on. Really fast weight loss should be monitored. Even if all you’re doing is a little exercise.

summary: Your bodies are complicated. And don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. See your doc once a year, it’s free (with insurance). Fat stigma means that people will always compliment a ‘large person’ who loses noticeable weight. Never and assume it’s healthy weight-loss without confirmation from the person. They will tell you they are proud of you (hint: don’t, it’s really fucking patronizing from casual acquaintances, and worse from close friends unless there are extenuating circumstances -like you are privy to their entire journey - but still maybe be proud of other things, okay?)

Your goals should be about health and there has yet to be a study that shows fatness or obesity has the same direct correlation to health as some people/doctors would want you to believe. As long as you have healthy habits and make an effort to be active, you’re in pretty decent shape.

Reminder: MORBID Obesity is NOT simply being 20 lbs over the ‘correct weight’.

/ends hijack. Sorry about that raiin!

Whoa, what a load of horse hockey served up hot on my dash. There is a vast difference between accepting yourself as you are and the misconceptions the Fat Acceptance movement is promoting. HAES (Health at Any Size) is an excuse to remain overweight, sometimes morbidly so. Obesity is not healthy for anyone, no matter what someone on the internet says. Believe your doctor when you are told you need to lose weight to lower your blood pressure, cholesterol, control your blood sugar or for any other reason. Oddly enough someone with years of education, training and experience just might know a little more about what is healthy than a few self-serving web sites and “movements.”

By the way dieting works — if you actually follow your doctor’s or nutritionist’s instructions and absolutely do not cheat constantly.

"Weight loss is actually kind of dangerous."  And so is reblogged bullshit.

Wow are you grumpy at the insinuation that fat people aren’t 100% at fault.

1. Believe your doctor: Sure, but not blindly. Advocate for yourself because unless you’re at a specialist of a specialist all doctors deal in averages and you have to be able to ask if maybe you aren’t an outlier. Fun story, I went to the clinic during college and got an intern to do intake, fair enough, it’s a med school. When I explained that I’d had a low grade fever for 3 days and it wasn’t budging she asked what it was. I said 99.9. She said “That’s not a fever” and I said “it is if your regular temp is 97.4” She, as a med student, couldn’t handle this and had to get her resident to confirm this. Despite the fact that the word average appears near or next to 98.6 in every text book. That’s what we call advocating. If you went out and looked, you’d see story after story where someone who is obviously fat (by this I mean having fat rolls, but not necessarily Morbidly obese) being told that they need to lose weight to solve everything from stomach pain to broken bones. Without being given any tests. Is it a wonder that after two or three humiliating and expensive experiences at a doctor’s office where they come away with nothing but bills they just don’t go anymore, thus letting time exacerbate a medical issue until they have no choice?

You know what else has been shown to pre-predjudice doctors?

A. Psych meds

B. Being female (women are often told that period cramps are just a thing they have to get through and it really can’t be that bad. When in reality, NO THEY AREN’T at most you should wake up, take an OTC painkiller for mild cramps and move on with your life)

C. Sexual orientation

Doctors live inside averages. That’s fine. But it’s not always right. No one should take the word of their doctor as gospel.

2. I think a lot of people don’t know where the line from ‘correct weight’ to ‘overweight’ to ‘obese’ to ‘morbidly obese’ actually lives. It’s a spread of something like 10 BMI points total and that can shift with a max of 40 pounds. At 20 pounds to be called obese is pretty fucking hilarious, especially when pro athletes hit that line easily. BMI is bullshit, which is why I’m glad a new standard is being introduced for the individual level. BEYOND THAT, studies are showing that current BMI’s that label someone as overweight and even obese LIVE LONGER AND HEALTHIER LIVES. The truth is about 15 years ago, the lines were moved arbitrarily by a committee that had NO QUALIFICATIONS to do so. And the statistically changes people keep using to prove an obesity epidemic are based on the number jumps from the ARTIFICIAL MOVEMENT OF THAT LINE.

3. Dieting is starvation. It’s literally eating less calories than your body needs to process to live its life. Which is why you shouldn’t lose more than 2lbs a week. Because too fast and your body switches to starvation mode. WHICH IS WHAT I MEANT when I said that super restrictive diets can be dangerous. When I said a donut should not undo all progress, I did not mean a donut a day. I meant a single indulgence a month. Which quite frankly is not unreasonable to hope for. Living inside of restrictive rules HAS BEEN PROVEN to be bad for you and that eventually you will break.

4. Dieting is dangerous. Yoyo dieting has proven to be bad for all sorts of organs. Long term sustained weight loss has been shown to be impossible. 5% of people who manage to maintain 99% of their diets over 5 years are successful. The people who aren’t successful haven’t cheated on their diets, their bodies have CAUGHT ON TO THEM and have started storing some extra calories.

5. HAES is not about finding excuses to stay fat. HAES says that if you eat a healthy diet and you exercise regularly and have confirmed doctor results of healthy numbers in things like BP and cholesterol, your weight has very little to do with your overall health. See again: Athletes who haven’t not zeroed out their body fat.

6. It always amuses me that people assume fat is the cause of diseases that basically break down into the body’s ability to store and retrieve calories instead of perhaps a SYMPTOM of a larger metabolic processing error.

Think about it. If my body has trouble deciding what to store and how to store it, might I not have an excess of a certain type of caloric cell?

7. Bead’s story about the doctor who dismissed her med complaints b/c she was losing weight (and let me tell you, JUST losing weight is slowly being shown to not be the answer to cholesterol and BP problems) and assumed she was exaggerating UNTIL she was 40lbs lighter and suddenly her comments about her body were valid again is exactly the kind of thing I was talking about when I spoke about how society will praise ALL weight loss from a ‘fat/obese’ person. They will always assume it’s healthy. B/C thin = healthy right? So losing weight = healthy right? WRONG. Dieting incorrectly can cause malnutrition, even in fat people. Imagine being a fat person showing signs of malnutrition? Imagine the fight to get that even acknowledged?

So I repeat: The body is really complicated and only people whose entire bodies fall into the ‘average’ numbers taught in textbooks find calories in/calories out to work immediately and long term.

You know what I don’t get about people who think bisexuals are just greedy or confused. It’s that to be actively bisexual you have to be attracted to both sexes enough to want/be able to have sex with them (assuming you are not in monogamous relationship, in which case I’d probably label it as enough sexual attraction to possibly motivate you to have sex with your partner, not as a substitute! But b/c your engine got revved and sex is a fun way to un rev it). Because have you ever tried having sex when you don’t want to? I mean, who thinks bisexuals go around having sex they don’t want to have just to PROVE A POINT?

Sunday Six

A slow ramp up this week. Partially new meds, partially b/c I took an artificial break in writing as opposed to a natural one where my brain reaches saturation point and I need to take a few days to let plots percolate. Harder to start back up from the first one apparently.

Immigration Phil (Working title, Currently 5k, still no signs of it break 15k, but it’s early yet. Summary: A quirk of where he was born means someone has decided Phil might not be an American Citzen and no one has enough security clearance to make the fix simple, Here’s 7 sentences that basically encapsulate a large chunk of the secondary plotline.)

He’s 45 and Phil has had, what would broadly be termed as sex, twice. Both experiences were both terrible and only successfully completed because of a combination of youth and alcohol. By twenty five or so, his decision to leave all of that to other people seemed like the best idea. It took another five years of accidentally drinking just a little too much around people he knew a little too well and backing out each and every time his discomfort with touching overcame whatever ameliorating affects the alcohol might have. Stumbling half drunk and queasy, he’d usually start his hangover early on his way back home. Finding a convenient bush to vomit behind somewhere along the way.

When he’s done giving out all the gory details of his life from ages 16 to 36 (his last, terrifying attempt, a vague hope that time had cured him) he sighs as his sentence comes to an end.

“So yeah,” Phil says, “I don’t think I’m marriage material.”

Clint gives him a long, steady look and shakes his head. “Of course you are.”

Thank you!

Hey guys, thanks to everyone who checked in last night, it distracted me long enough to get too tired to be angry enough to keep me awake. I’m still pissed, but a good night’s sleep is really helpful!



URGENTLY FANTASTIC FANFIC READING DISCOVERY: you can use the browser on your Kindle to download AO3 .mobi versions of fic directly to your Kindle, no computer involved.

The way I HAD been doing it is definitely better from an ease-of-navigation standpoint (since the Kindle browser isn’t great): you can download the MOBI file from any fic page with a computer and then send it to your Kindle as an email attachment.  (Here’s how to set that feature up.)

But if you’re on the go and wanna grab something in a readable format (or, like me, prone to traveling with only your work laptop, which you don’t want to sully with, say, Avengers kink negotiation items), this is a SUPER SUPER GREAT computerless workaround to have.

Not sure about the browsing functionality of other ereaders, but FYI, AO3 does offer every fic in not only Kindle/MOBI format but also EPUB, PDF and HTML.  Just use the Download button at the top right of any fic page. 

Have I mentioned lately how fucking fantastic an addition AO3 has been to the fandom universe?

If you have an iOS device, just get the fic on your browser, click EPUB as your download option, and on the next screen hit “open in iBooks” and there it will be! Super simple! I have so much fic on my phone, for reals.

Ditto if you have the kindle app and choose mobi as the download format.

Anyone awake? I had kind of a shitty argument with my dad and it’s a lonely internet tonight.

Cat owner problems #213:

Moving something out of the cat’s way only to accidentally turn it into a dangling instrument of cat intrigue.

translation: no cat, you may not chew on my redic expensive earphones.